Tis the Season…For ex boyfriends?!

So here’s the lineup: Brad (I was oh, 13, and broke up with him five days before our one year “anniversary”), Chris (We dated during my senior year and I broke up with him the following summer), Chad (Dated him the next fall, moved out to Seattle for a while so we could live closer to each other, and broke up with him after a year and a half), Michael (ok, so he wasn’t a boyfriend…but he wanted to be and he’s part of the story), and Andy (We dated for about a month before he broke up with me [good for him, finally a guy who’s got the *ahem* guts to break up with a girl he’s not happy with!!!] but there weren’t ever really any hard feelings). Wow, when you put them all together I just sound like some kind of crazy girl! Oops. 

Last week my parents ran into Chris who’d just returned from Iraq (yeah, way to make me feel like a jerk, I break up with him and then he goes and fights for my freedom). Apparently I work about three feet away from him (in the mall). My mom said he was doing well, so that’s good. He’s a great guy and I’m glad that things are going well for him. Yay. 

That same day, I got a message from Michael on MySpace saying “i fel tat u r upset wit me an dont like me now. y? i didnt do nething 2 u. y did u mov bak 2 ur home? i fel that things r not rite wit us.” I’m not sure if it was the bad grammar or the fact that he was such a jerk when I knew him that made this message fall upon blind eyes. My rather harsh reply? “No, I’m not upset with you. I just really don’t feel like it’s healthy for me to stay in contact with someone who has no respect for me. I appreciate your apology, but since I’ll never see you again (we do live about 2,500 miles apart now), I don’t see any sense in trying to continue to keep in contact. Thanks for the effort though and I hope you do well in the future.” So yeah, sounds a bit like an angry Hallmark card doesn’t it? “I hope you do well in the future” Anyways, this guy was bad news and has been periodically bugging me about the “bad feling betwen us,” and this was the first time I was actually pretty blunt about the fact that I wasn’t really interested in hearing from him. Is that mean?

Next came Andy. I still consider him a pretty good friend. We don’t hang out (ever), because the few times we tried after we broke up it was just too awkward; that being said, I know that if I were to ever need anything he’d be willing to help me out and I’d do the same for him. So I found this message that he apparently sent to me on MySpace over a year ago but somehow I’d never read it (what?)! Anyways, it was very kind and I decided I should write him just to say hey. He wrote back a few days later and informed me that he’d been beginning to wonder if I’d died since he never ran in to me on campus anymore (I switched schools). I got an invite to hang out with him again (along with Mark [my boyfriend] who also happens to be one of Andy’s old teachers [oh man that sounds *weird*]) and well wishes for any future endeavors (ok, so his message didn’t sound quite like a Hallmark card, but that was the basic gist of it).

More miraculous than any of these other encounters was the one which occurred this morning. Out of everyone (besides Mark), Chad was the one who I dated the longest and invested the most effort in. It was pretty clear that it was the wrong relationship for both of us to be in as soon as we moved to Seattle (we’d been living 4 hours apart before then and only saw each other twice a month), but since we’d already been together so long we tried to stick it out. I don’t mean for you to take it the wrong way and assume that we fought all the time or anything, because we didn’t. We actually got along fairly well, but we had nothing in common. We could not carry on a conversation for more than five minutes without running out of things to say; I usually spent the evenings hanging out with his roommate instead of him. So yes, he’s a very nice person (and I hope I’m a very nice person), but it just wasn’t working. Unfortunately, the fact that there was no obvious reason to break up (you yelled at me, you ignore me, you embarrassed me in front of my friends, etc.) was what absolutely killed us. We ended up intentionally doing things to hurt each other just to see if the other person would break up with us. Wow, how bad is that. So I finally broke up with him (the experience involved an entire package of Oreos) the very same day that he climbed Mt. Reiner for the first time (once again, how much meaner can you get?!). Needless to say, he was not happy with me. I thought I’d let him get a chance to calm down before I tried to make things right again. I’m telling you, this was one nasty breakup. Anyways, but about 6 months later I came back to Seattle to get my things and called when I found some of his stuff. When I went to drop it off he pretty much threw a box of my stuff at me and slammed the door in my face. In the box I found all of the notes I’d ever written to him *and* one that he’d written himself about how he didn’t understand why I’d been so mean, etc. So anyway a year after that I happened to be on IM while he was on and he messaged me and pretty much told me I’d become a horrible and despicable person and he was ashamed that we’d ever dated. After that I figured that any hope of us not having the post-breakup animosity towards each other was lost forever. I was surprised then, when I saw a message from “The Chadster” in my MySpace inbox this morning. Upon opening it I saw that it was *Chad* Chad and figured it was probably an “I hate you but I’m not going to come right out and say it” letter. This was one of the few times that I’ve actually been happy to be wrong. It was a very sweet apology which I *know* must have been pretty hard to write (I’m serious, this guy hated me). Reading that made me feel like something bad had been taken away even though I’d never been aware of it’s presence before. Really, knowing that someone hates you – even when you’ve gotten past it – is a pretty hard thing to get over. I wrote him back with a thanks for the apology and yet another apology of my own – both of which were very sincere. I was happy to note that although the letter was regretful, he seemed to have a really good attitude about things. Yay. I’m so glad that’s over! Nice people should never hate each other just because they were stupid and decided to date. Thank you thank you thank you for making things right!

So now I’m just waiting to run into Brad sometime soon even though I haven’t seen him in almost ten years and have no idea where he lives. It would just be in keeping with the current trend.

Anyway, I’m not really sure why anyone would be even remotely interested in a super-long essay-like blog about my litany of exes, but if you’re reading this I guess that on some level it was either entertaining or informative. Yay. In conclusion, I’d like to say… Just kidding. But really, I think there’s a moral here. Don’t you? 


6 Responses

  1. As usual, I enjoy your musing as since I don’t see you often, I’m getting to know what makes you tick. Guess its the distance between us that makes this. Wish we could lessen the distance, and visit more often.

  2. Happy Thanksgiving, darling! Maw Maw, erm, “suggested” I read this because it was so well-written, and I’m glad I took her advice! Strange comments from one cousin to another about a blog on ex-boyfriends, but really, it’s so well-written and entertaining to read. I would say it makes the reader feel like they know you, but I do know you, so I’m not really the best judge of that. I feel like a walking advertisment for myself, but check out my account on fanfiction.net at some juncture, if you would please be so kind. There’s very little there and it’s extremely old (and horrible) but I should be posting some new things there.
    I miss you and I love you,
    Your cousin Julia.

  3. Interesting. I find that I’ve never been able to stay friends with my (few) exes. Too wierd.
    Glad things have taken a turn for the better with you and Chad. He’s a sweet guy. Then again, I never dated him 🙂

  4. Stumbled upon your blog a week ago and decided to come back. Not for the articles you write, but for how you write them, really amazing stuff you’re doing here, i like how you put information into the articles which makes it much more easier to read and much more interesting of course. Keep up the good work!

  5. This made for some interesting fireside reading! Like Kimi, I’m not friends with any of my exes either. I am friendly when I see them (which is nearly never), but not friends with them.

  6. I’m a freak. I don’t have any exes. I don’t think.

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